Confused Spirits

Hello People

Today, I'm going to talk about a long overdue topic: What women want. That question has plagued me since the first time I hooked up with a girl. It seemed like what she said never matched what she did. It confused the hell out of me. I initially thought I was stupid and ignorant for not understanding the contradiction and everyone who gave me an answer as to why girls behave that way was the same, "Because she's a girl". Imagine my confusion and frustration at such repeated answers. The truth is that nobody really knows why girls act this way, giris included.

I saw something on my friend's bbm that I have to quote. Here goes: "Some girls claim they want a good guy, but when they meet one, he's "just a friend." Then they fall for the player and get their heart broken. Then they have the nerve to say 'all guys are the same'." There's no guy that would hear this and not instantly agree. Ironically, this statement is usually the story of many girls' lives. The truth is that most women don't know what they want and the few who do are either too scared or gullible to go for it. Others even wait for it to come to them. Idiots.......

Anyways, let me share some observations as to some of the special behavior from women:
1.Selfishness. Most babes just think about themselves. They're concerned about the attention they get, their level of happiness and are so self-absorbed that they forget that it's a two-way street. They might even go as far as to forget that they like the guys who are making that effort for them and wonder why the guys bounce due to tiredness.

2. Ignorance. Many girls think they're experienced because a couple of boys have toasted them. To even compound the issue, a LOT of girls use soap operas and other romance movies as a framework on  how to act. Seriously, this is REAL LIFE, boys don't follow scripts. You're trapping yourself and begging to be taken advantage of.

3. Peer Pressure. Most babes are influenced by their friends, who usually have their own agendas. It's a saying among boys that you're not only courting a girl, but all her friends as well. The collateral damage is that friends in a group tend to like the same guy; the 'friends' suddenly become 'frenemies' lol. I'm not saying that all friends are like that, but 80% of the time, it's the way I'm describing.

4. Intelligence, or lack of it. Bear with me here, I mean no offense. Many women are intelligent, so much that I daresay they are smarter than most men. However, most babes tend to overestimate their intelligence and at the same time underestimate that of guys. I agree that a woman is a naturally skilled manipulator, but in trying to manipulate boys into their favor, the shallowness behind it reveals itself. Another part of this is the issue of keeping secrets. Women are naturally blessed with the ability to take secrets to their graves. The problem is that they underestimate boys and say and do things, thinking the boys wouldn't find out. Ladies, the truth ALWAYS comes out, and give boys some credit. We aren't as dumb as we look.

5. Power/Control. Most women like control. Period. They see the idea of having power over men as normal, ergo, they take men for granted. They believe that they can act anyway they like and get away with it. what they don't realize is that they only have the power the men give to them.
Think about it for a second. I like a girl, therefore I allow her to act anyhow she wants to me and even treat me poorly. The way she treats me can be ended anytime I want. How? By letting her go. Capisce? I should also note here that it works both ways oh. Women don't have to take bullshit treatment from men; they can always walk away.

6. Value. Most babes have a great disdain for what is available, therefore the don't really value nice, caring guys. They think such guys aren't fun, exciting and mysterious because they are calm and stable. That's what they call "friend material". They are attracted to the "bad boys", the mysterious, shady but fun guys who want no attachments. Unfortunately, women conceptually understand the difference between lust and love, but blindly merge them. They then wonder why they end being used and discarded.....
The biggest irony about this is that most women know what is good for them and vice-versa, but they still go for what will hurt them.  The perfect guy for most women is that "best-friend", who knows everything there is to know about them and has been there every time and I'm speaking from experience. I know about all the arguments. "If we date and it doesn't work out, we can't go back to being friends", or "I just don't see him that way" lol. Well, how about this? There's just no way a guy and girl can become so close that one or both or them wont start having feelings. Most times, that person hides it because of the other's ignorance, self-absorption or desire for someone else. Secondly, if that friend comes out with feelings, then the friendship has already changed; you aren't friends anymore.

7. Fear. This is usually the biggest hindrance to women concerning what they want. The fear of rejection. The fear of public opinion etc. This usually makes girls convince themselves that it's not going to work and burn the bridge before crossing it. FYI, boys are even more scared of rejection; our self-confidence is just greater than our fear. If you're scared of public opinion, then you'll die unhappy. In this world, a million people might love you and another million will hate you. The rest are probably neutral, so why bother trying to please everyone? Just live your life and be happy.

8. Standards. Everyone has standards about the people they want to be with. The problem is that people aren't in sync with reality when creating these standards. This is more common with women (no insult to guys, but most of us don't even have standards with women). I remember high school, when romance novels were the way forward (if a babe didn't have a Mills and Boon, Harlequin or Silhouette book, she was a dulling babe lol). Every girl saw her type of guy as a 6-footer, cleanly shaved (lol), of an exotic race (spanish, greek, you get the point), muscular, rich and AMAZING in bed. Using myself as an example, I was a 15 year old short yoruba boy, no beard and a small potbelly, financially comfortable and a virgin at that time (lost it the next year though *wink*). Whatever confidence I had probably crawled into a hole and died after hearing  such things. The sad part is that a lot of babes still carry those ideas even up to college level and it's a subconscious thing.
Even in a relationship, women's ideas of standards push men harder and harder until they are eventually pushed away. Very few women are satisfied with their men and the efforts those men make. Because someone's boyfriend bought her a Berkin bag by Hermes, her friend is suddenly upset with her Louis Vouitton bag. Because another's boyfriend has a Range Rover, our babe isn't satisfied with his Honda Accord. Competitions aside, a babe might want something and her boyfriend does it, even at his inconvenience. Then she wants something else. He meets up to her expectations, and she tests his limits further. It doesn't stop and she compares him with someone else; sooner or later, the guy will have enough. It's when he leaves that she'll suddenly realize he's good enough for her.

Once again, everything I've mentioned here is from experience. I mean no offense, and there is no absolute observation or statement that applies to all women. I'm not even attacking women here, rather, I love and respect you all. You are our mothers, sisters, friends, wives and daughters. Men need women, and I'll never deny it. All I'm saying is search your conscience, swallow your pride and throw away all prejudice. Be more observant and get to know someone before making quick judgments, based on hearsay lol. Don't always be so suspicious and don't frustrate guys off in your process of being "careful". Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take advice from a girl who has problems with her own relationship. Remove the speck in your eye before removing a log in another's.

If you do not know what you want, there's no shame in that; just don't take everyone else for a ride. Figure yourself out; have a mind of your own. Hear your friends out but trust and listen to your instincts the most. Everyone get's their hearts broken; such experiences, painful as they are, help us grow and mature into adults capable of loving all the more. Being scared to take that risk will only bring you regrets when you see the one you want with someone else. I wish you well.

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P.S. Babes, please, please, and please again, endeavor to make your intentions clear. Speak your mind, and let your actions match your words/intentions. Contrary to what you think, men ARE NOT PSYCHIC.
Thanks.

Us

For You.......

I cannot help but appreciate how things work out. At this point in our journey, i can't help but look back at our beginning and thank God we're together. Nobody alone is perfect in himself/herself, but you're truly perfect for me. The only enemies I've faced while being with you are "time" and "myself". Time, because there will never be enough when it comes to you, and myself, in the sense that I will improve at my imperfections to ignore any selfishness and increase your happiness.

I have been through a lot of women, different shapes and sizes, different beliefs, prejudices and tolerances, different desires and goals; I cannot help but admit that I have come into my own with you. Nobody has brought about such peace of mind as you have; no one has brought about a higher sense of maturity, while allowing me to retain a little childishness. All I'm saying is that even though every person I've met is unique, you are my first of firsts. There is truly no one like you.

I usually get with people who think they know me, understand me and even think they own me; I hold you in the highest esteem for letting go, for not making any assumptions about us and surrendering. This is why you have so much power over me. For that, I will give you the world. I will never let how I feel about you go.

I could talk about fantasies I have all day, but I believe that loving someone maturely is keeping your relationship realistic.Nothing lasts forever, but until the day it ends, you will have the best of me.

I Love You Deola
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